For ALL women

I had the thought today that I need to state that this blog isn't just for mothers, but for all women.  I believe that God created women with a natural mothering instinct and therefore, we can all relate on some level.  And even more than that, I think this quest of mine is truly to bring myself closer to the Lord -- and therefore anyone can share in that journey for themselves.  

Before having our kids, it was my life dream to be a mother.  When I found out that it might be way more difficult than I thought and even a possibility that I couldn't become a mother, I was devastated.  In the end, the Lord has blessed us with 2 beautiful children.  Once I became a mother, I felt that I would be one who would always appreciate motherhood, maybe even more than those who didn't experience difficulty getting pregnant.  Deep down, I still feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the blessing I received to become a mother, but as with most things, the day to day challenges we face cause us to forget from time to time how precious a gift our children and more importantly, what a DIVINE role we have as nurturers...even if we don't have our own children.  Women play such an important role on this earth.  We should all know that God has created us as very special women who have much to contribute to this world.  I truly am beginnig to believe that how we view our life is just a reflection of how much we love ourselves and love the Lord (as well as receive the love He offers us).

I have a theory as to why I have felt more of a struggle spiritually/emotionally since having children.  (I feel like by sharing some of these thoughts it is a way for me to be honest with myself and help me to learn and grow through increased understanding.)  For years it seemed as if everything in my life was planned out to some degree.  In a nutshell, I reached the goals that I had set out to do...go to college, wait for my missionary, get married, have children.  All of those things could be measured and calculated.  I had to complete certain things before moving onto the next.  But what after that? I think the fact that this period of "motherhood" can't be measured like all the other milestones in my life has contributed to some uneasiness in me.  Once I reached motherhood, there were no more big milestones to reach in the near future, and with that came that sense of losing myself.  Once the newness and major excitement of early motherhood wore off a bit, I found myself scrambling to figure out what more of a purpose I had.  I'm beginning to realize, however, that this uneasiness is a good thing in helping me to realize the importance of living in the moment, while still making goals for the future.  

I'm sure this is a just a portion of what contributed to feelings I've had.  I would have to think that other contributors would be the huge increase in responsibility for a family and the time mothers spend focused on everyone but themselves most of the time.  But whatever the reason, now is the time for me to restore peace within my spirit and find a balance in all things.